NEED A WEBSITE?
NEED A WEBSITE?
No meetings. No B.S. Just a website that f**king works.
✅ Launch ready in 7 days.
✅ Keep it online for $49/mo. +GST
✅ Free redesign every 2 years.
⭐ 5 Stars on Google Reviews.
Tolerated by 500+ Aussie businesses.
We've worked with...






How It Works
You pay $500 + GST. We build a website for you. You then proceed to live your life.
This shit isn't hard, man.
Pay the $500
Click one of the big green buttons on this page. Then pay $500.
Send your biz details
Share your biz info + content with us in a quick form. We'll then build a website.
Wow.
Get your site + piss off
You get your website. We don’t talk again. Everyone wins.
Choose from the Top Design-Driven Templates
Modern Blue
Clean and professional

Modern Blue
Clean and professional


What’s Included in Your Website Package
Here’s exactly what’s part of your site and what’s not.
Clean 1-page site (scrollable homepage)
Mobile-friendly + SEO basics
Contact form included
Free redesign every 2 years
No eCommerce
No On-Page Booking Systems
No Payment Portals
No complicated shit

Look - reviews.
See? We're vaguely competent.
Just to be clear…
We’ve done this a million times. You don’t need to explain yourself. This isn’t bloody complicated.
No Zoom calls
No “strategy sessions”
No pretending your business is a rare diamond
You pay $500
Fill in the form
$49/month to keep it online
Piss off

Recent Sites / Live Projects
Browse through some recent projects (so you know we're not shit).
You’re Not Special. But You’ll Be Looked After (probably).
Whether you found us from a friend, a google search, or you licked a frog and hallucinated the URL of this landing page - we'll make sure you're covered.
Proven Track Record
500+ Aussie Businesses Can’t All Be Wrong
[Unless it’s a conspiracy.] We’ve built sites for sparkies, plumbers, dog cremators, one guy who sold “alien protection crystals.” They're all online. Some even paid.
Transparent Pricing
$500 Build Fee. $49/Month. That’s It.
We no longer accept payment in rupees.
It's a long story.
Australian Hosting
Hosted Right Here, Not in Outer Fucking Mongolia
Stored on fast, secure, and local servers so your landing page about your pet termite or whatever never goes down.
Frequently Asked Questions
$500+GST once-off to build your site. That should've been obvious from the 10 massive green buttons on this page.
Your website will be live within 7 business days. Most are done faster. If it takes a day or two longer, you'll live. I promise.
This offer is primarily suitable for service based businesses. This isn't suitable for people looking to sell online or who are after advanced functionality like booking systems, databases, etc.
We don't use templates - but we do have a very streamlined system for building high quality websites in a short period of time. Templates are usually clunky & full of unnecessary junk code.
No. Alex is busy.
No. You'll fuck it up. We'll handle it.
Yes. You'll be given dashboard access after the site is live.
Not in this package. This is a no-fuss business website. Besides, your online scented candle business probably isn't going to make money anyway. We're doing you a favour by saying no.
No. I do not want to have a meeting. Why? Because you're probably boring and annoying. It's also unnecessary. This is complicated for you - not for us.
No.
Easy. We can upgrade your site anytime — we’ll just quote it based on what you need.



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